Sometimes, you have to get lost to find yourself…
When her rock star boyfriend breaks things off out of the blue, Alyssa applies to hit reality TV show Deserted and to her shock she gets through. Abandoned on a remote island with a bunch of strangers and none of the luxuries she’s become accustomed to, it’s not long before an undeniable attraction to the mysterious Joshua starts complicating things even further.
Joshua’s different to everyone she’s ever known – a traveller, a man with no plan, a world away from the celebrity life she’s left behind. As a series of challenges test their wits and weaknesses, things start heating up in paradise, but in a game designed to break people down, it soon becomes clear that Joshua is hiding a painful secret – one he won’t risk anyone finding out.
Struggling to know where she belongs, Alyssa will have to choose – a life she once loved that wants her back, or a brand new reality that heartbreakingly may just have its limits.
˃˃˃ “Becky does it again, delivering a searingly hot, emotionally intense and brilliantly written book. I loved it.” – Sarah Alderson (author of Hunting Lila, Fated, The Sound)
***Warning: this book contains graphic language, sex, and mature situations. Not intended for young adult readers.***
So, what’s Tarzan like in the bedroom?’
‘Shan!’
‘Oh come on, I’m bored!’
‘I’d tell you if we had one,’ I say and he whacks my arm and tugs at my hair. ‘Ow! It was just a stupid fling, it’s over, you know that.’
‘So you say, slutty-pants,’
‘I’m serious,’ I laugh.
Shan tuts and goes back to his braiding. I do feel guilty because I don’t want to keep anything from Shan. I’ve almost told him about the immunity charm too, numerous times, but I haven’t. So far no one’s wanted to vote me out, as far as I know. There’s been no more talk of voting Joshua out either, mainly because since the rains came, no one else has had the balls to try and spear for fish or climb for coconuts. But I know things can change in a heartbeat.
Since that night in the cave, Joshua and I have made a conscious effort not to let the others see that we’re involved. I feel like I’m playing a game within a game. I’m pretty sure they all know something’s up, but in daylight hours in a world of cameras, we’re not giving anyone any added reasons to turn against us, or turn us into some trashy commercial break teaser for Deserted. We never touch or conspire; we spend hours apart. We never go anywhere alone. Instead we wait for the night, when everyone else is sleeping. The nights are ours.
‘You say it’s over, but you never talk about Sebastian Moreno,’ Shan says now.
‘Nothing here has anything to do with Sebastian,’ I reply. ‘And anyway, that life isn’t real while we’re here.’
‘Pfft, you tell yourself that, D.G. Just ‘cause you close your eyes doesn’t mean nobody can see you. You’re on the cover of The National Enquirer with your boobies all censored, you know it.’
I cringe. ‘No I’m not!’
‘You’ll make a fortune on celebrity endorsements,’ he carries on, ignoring me. ‘Bikini modeling, book deals, couch store openings… oooh, oooh!’ he pulls on my hair excitedly, ‘you should come on the cruise with me! They’d love you – especially Marty. He’d like… adopt you. He has half a tattoo on his face; the other half got infected, long story, but he’s super nice…’
Shan rambles on about his ‘besticle’ Marty, but my thoughts drift over the past two weeks, waking up at the crack of dawn to run down to the waterfall. When it’s not raining, there’s a space behind the falls on ground level; a turquoise pool with a loud, moving wall of water that drowns out our conversation, and all of what we call ‘our tribal sounds.’ I feel my face flush, just thinking about it. No cameras can reach us there.
‘I love it when you scream for me, Jane,’ Joshua said one morning, gripping my hips from behind as I flattened my hands to the wall, bringing him into me in the water. Just the words coming from his mouth made me tremble in his hands and scream even louder, pressing my face to the rocks, feeling his power consume me. It’s addictive, that feeling. It’s like nothing else!
There’s something about Joshua that’s part of this island, like he belongs here, somehow. When we have sex in the water, on top of leaves, on the sand, sometimes I don’t even feel like myself. It’s weird but I feel like I’m part of him and the universe and nature… like we’ve both turned into animals. I can’t even imagine us on a bed, with pillows and a comforter. I can barely imagine us wearing proper clothes. It’s so weird but I’ve never felt so close to anyone so quickly. But then, I’ve also never met anyone like him.
Everything we had was built on lies…
